February 26th 2026
Had a little bit of an anxiety attack yesterday, I think. I've been feeling pretty generally awful emotionally/mentally lately and I finally broke down. I'm feeling better today though. I've got some art ideas and all week I have been making clay beads, which has been very relaxing. I like picking different color combinations to try. Eventually I will make little bracelets with my beads and they will be available to buy whenever I get a chance to table at an art show or something. I gotta get in touch with whoever organizes my local pride festival to find out if I could run a table and how much it would cost to do so. I have no idea how to do anything ever.
I brought my drawing tablet with me to work, but I haven't used it in weeks so it is completely and utterly dead,,, So I have it plugged in and charging now. I felt inspired to draw something while I was driving to work and listening to Collar of Truth by VIOLENT VIRA.
February 18th 2026
Mood: Scattered | Eated: chicken sandwich with cheese puffs | Drinked: coffee, water | Listening to: Creepcast - The Happy Appy Episode
I think I might finally be coming out of my usual winter depression hole. I hadn't realized I haven't updated my site since earlier December, so it has been a little bit. I have been bouncing around from game to game. Earlier in December I was replaying through Dredge, I haven't completed that playthrough yet. I started playing Fallout 76 a lot pretty much all January. I was grinding a lot to rank up in the season to get the lykoi cat, which I was able to get mainly because I got sick and was off work for an entire week! So I had quite a bit of time to game. Getting sick was awful though, I have paperwork I need to fill out for work because of it. I have jury summons for the first time in my life next month, which I am super not looking forward to. This week I have been playing Trash Goblin, a very chill game where you chip away the soil covering up various trinkets. You clean them and fix them up and then sell them, sometimes traveling to different markets to sell things. It's a very cute game and I can't stop playing when I start. Kind of forcing myself to take a break from it today, so I brought my laptop to work instead of my Steam Deck so I could update my site. I have been neglecting my projects. Trying not to feel too bad about it though, I have been consuming very good art and stories at least. I recently relistened to Monarch of Monsters by Vylet Pony, it's still one of my favorite albums of all time. I made a link to a playlist on youtube of all songs on the album. It is also on Bandcamp. I highly recommend listening to it all the way through from start to end. Maybe even a few times... The story in it is beautiful and very meaningful to me in ways I don't really know how to articulate. The music is amazing, there is so much range of styles. Vylet's vocals are insane, she has incredible range. It inspires me a lot.
Some other music I have been listening to lately are: The Binding of Isaac: Repentance OST, The Protomen Act III, and Nanobots by They Might Be Giants. I had the idea to make a very simple music video with progress pictures of my fursuit head I'm currently working on. I don't remember what song I wanted to put it to though. I might still try to do something like that.
I haven't worked on my fursuit head in a while since I got sick. I haven't really had the energy to work on it. I'm still on the foam carving step, which I am going very slow and carefull with.
A couple years ago I started thinking about making an RPG-Maker horror game, which I started thinking about again recently. Since watching a few playthroughs of Look Outside, it's got me really wanting to do something similar. I have so many ideas and don't know how to do anything... But I do have a copy of one of the RPG-Maker engines, I forget what version I have, so I really could do something I just need to try. Whatever I end up doing, if I make a game I have to involve my brother. This is a goal I have had for years, we need to make something together. I have ideas for something surreal and psychological, and I have ideas for something maybe a little sillier and simpler. Making a horror game about being a janitor has been on my mind too. Papineau from Look Outside is a very inspiring character to me, he is the perfect representation of a custodian and I love him dearly.
